Thursday, April 14, 2011

Fates of Our Friends when the Greyhawkization comes

I already covered the fates of a couple of our well-known bloggers when the mind-flayer spaceship causes earth to become Greyhawk (see earlier posts on this imminent danger).

So, what happens to various of our known personalities?
I already mentioned:
Chgowiz: Lots of Canadians visit, hurled across Atlantic, motorcycle trip across Furyondy, eaten by giant crayfish after buying a hamburger in Hommlet.
Melan: eaten by mind-flayer
James Smith: not eaten by mind-flayer, otherwise MIA.
Johnathan Bingham: becomes Zagyg, the mad archmage

Stuart Marshall (author of OSRIC, tall Englishman): Probably eaten by mind-flayers (see earlier description of what will inevitably happen in England due to mind-flayers and short hedges),but he's got a suit of armor and a sword, so he might fight his way through to the Chunnel and make it to Furiondy. Being English, he won't like Furyondy (the French) and would likely become the Duke of Urnst.

James Boney (author of Ice Tower of the Salka and other modules): Located in Arkansas, and looks like a pretty scary guy, which means that he's got a few hit dice. I see Greyhawk as basically Arkansas with Scottish accents, so probably James gets annoyed that he can't understand all those Scottish accents and uses his high hit dice to become a bandit chieftain. I'm just guessing, because Arkansas doesn't seem to make it over into the mapped part of Greyhawk, unless maybe it's the Pomarj or the Wild Coast, in which case James is probably responsible for a lot of the chaos and partying in that region. Likely conclusion: freeholder in the Wild Coast, or bandit leader in the Pomarj.

Taichara (Canadian blogger) Unless she heads over to crash at Chgowiz's house, she's done for. As a security officer who might have a gun, though, she and Chgowiz probably find a sidecar and undertake the Furyondy motorcycle tour together. Eaten by giant crayfish along with Chgowiz.

Jeff Rients: I don't know if Champaign, Illinois is going to make it over the Atlantic to land on Italy along with Lake Geneva. Might, might not. Likely result: Jeff and Southern Illinois sink into the sea and Jeff is eaten by Cthulhu. Since Cthulhu plays no real role in Greyhawk, one can only assume that eating Jeff was enough of a snack, and the Great Old One went back to his nap afterward. So actually, Jeff saves us all.

James Maliszewski: The most recent post by James begins as follows: Among the philosophies of Men, none is more widespread -- or debated -- than that of Law. For many, if not most, Law is little more than a shorthand term for "civilization" and the order that supports it.

Obviously, James is mind-flayer chow. He's exactly the big brain type that makes a mind-flayer drool in anticipation like a dog at a meat convention.

Cyclopeatron: Obviously any kind of space-weapon that hurls Lake Erie to the south of Belgium is not going to leave California anything other than sunk into the Pacific ocean. Assuming that Cyclopeatron heeds my warnings and heads south, though, he will make it far enough to be captured by the resurgence of Mesoamerican culture and sacrificed to Camazotz at Tamoachan by priests wearing feathered cloaks.

Beedo has just mentioned that he's on his way to Africa, so he's going to end up somewhere around the Amedio jungle rather than disappearing into the sea to be eaten by Cthulhu like Jeff Rients. Probably he tries to get north to Greyhawk but ends up on the Isle of the Ape, becoming the High Priest of King Kong.

Okay, that's it.


  1. I should mention that the selection of various people is based on whose locations I knew of, or could find on their blogs. Don't feel left out if you don't have your fate predicted: it's likely because you didn't put where you are in your "About Me" section.

  2. We're gonna lose so many great bloggers...

  3. I'm still anxious to know how Lake Superior will make it over to Europe to become the Nyr Dyv.

  4. I think Taichara is female... Hold on.

    Yep, she is. See

  5. Okay, I changed "he" to "she" for Taichara.

  6. Matt, please can I have some of whatever it is you're smoking please? Have been in need of a mood lift all week and these posts have definitely achieved that.

    I'm working on how to lose some height so that I can pass as a hobbit.

    - Neil.